Sub-title: a guide to grace-filled political conversations
With the divisive state of our country, this is a must-read book. The authors have a podcast called "Pantsuit Politics" which they started in November 2015. Their goal is to discuss and analyze political topics in a respectful, understanding way. They provide an approach for having conversations with others who have different views from your own. They emphasize the nuances and complexity of these discussions and advocate that we eliminate the "either/or" of our talks and strive to understand, empathize and dig deeper into the thoughts of others. I encourage everyone to read it and consider their approach and try it out - it might make for a better world or at least a better family gathering!
Quotes:
p 68 [ask Why] "truly great leaders clearly identify, communicate, and act based on the reason their business or organization exists. "Why" is always propelling "how" and "what". For values or guiding principle to be truly effective they have to be verbs. "it's not "integrity," it's "always do the right thing". ...we can all tap into a personal value that can guide a more inquisitive, productive discussion about any political topic.
"We're all guilty of assuming that a step in a direction we don't embrace or understand will lead to extremes."
"Imagine the transformative impact of viewing our fellow citizens as though our big, messy country wouldn't be complete without them, as though we all belong here together, as though the challenge or working through a diversity of perspectives is an inherent, beautiful part of the American experience--of the human experience."
"...we don't engage in dialogue or participate civically to change other people but rather to better understand them, ourselves, and the ideas we are discussing. In political conversations, we have to meet people where they are and assume they'll stay there."
"Our brains might instinctually categorize in binary ways; however, our journey need not end there. When we release ourselves from picking [a side] we also allow our brains to release their death grip on confirmation bias. Embracing the paradox helps us realize that politics is not a collision of good and evil; it' a painstaking analysis of valid, competing priorities."
"Somewhere along the way, we decided as a country that we don't want to be uncomfortable at any time, for any reason. "
"We all grow through the discomfort of emotions like grief, rage, and sorrow, but first we have to allow ourselves to feel those emotions....There is only one good question: What are you unwilling to feel?"
"My constant refrain: You're free to speak. You aren't free to speak without consequences."
"Social media platforms' technology is built on algorithms. The problem social media platforms are trying to solve is how to gain and keep your attention...the system is built to please you, not to challenge you [or your thinking]".
In their chapter on "Exiting the Echo Chamber" they discuss an empathy map that helps you gain deeper insight into a point of view where you both intellectually understand someone else's feelings and vicariously experience those feelings. We ask ourselves about the other person:
What do they think and feel? What really matters, major preoccupations, worries and aspirations?
What do they hear? what do friends say, what their boss says, what influencers say
What do the see? what is their environment, who are their friends, what does the market offer them?
What do they say or do? what is their attitude in public, appearances, behavior toward others?
What causes them pain, fear, frustration and what obstacles do they experience?
What do they want to gain, wants and needs, measures of success, obstacles to achieving?
In the final chapter they recommend taking the 5 commitments:
1) commit to recognizing and putting down your defensiveness
2) commit to learning something in a discussion
3) commit to having a dialogue instead of giving alternate speeches
4) commit to assessing whether you're the right person to say what is on your mind
5) commit to ending the discussion knowing that you have strengthened the relationship.
Published: 2019 Read: August 2020 Genre: Politics
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